By Abu Sa’eed Al-Britani (From the video “Message Of A Mujahid”)
There seems to be a rise in many sisters doing hijrah after having links with people in Sham who are on Twitter. This is good if their links are other sisters. However, many sisters tend to marry brothers they may have interacted with over the net.
Although there may be nothing wrong with marrying a brother who is constantly online, I would just like to say that its best one does not rush into a marriage contract.
I have been in Sham for just over a year now and I have seen many beautiful brothers who are constant on their ibaadah, warriors in front lines, have amazing military minds, generous towards others, humble, funny, etc. yet are unknown on social media.
Marriage is not a small thing, its a major factor in ones life, so I sincerely advise my sisters to not be hasty in choosing a brother.
For example, I personally know of a brother who ran away from the front line when it was only me and him defending a post. I can recall myself shouting at him to come back as he ran away leaving me alone to defend the position. The ironical thing here was that the brother went online the next day and praised how Dawlah managed to defend an onslaught by the enemy, and how people in the west need to “stop being cowards”.
On other occasions, I have noticed how some brothers praise how “we” attacked such and such village, how hard the battle was for “us”, etc. yet they were not there. A form of tadlees (twisting the haqq to get self praise), not a characteristic stemming from humbleness and sincerity.
So sisters, please be careful and deliberate when choosing a spouse. We are still human beings, we err and we make mistakes. Some people’s intentions can sidetrack, especially when on social media platforms. (Sisters, please read my other article regarding interacting with Mujaahideen online: http://justpaste.it/AdviceOnHijrah3)
Many sisters will feel the excitement when they’re new to Sham and this excitement to marry a Mujaahid may blur ones mind and logic. Not every Mujaahid is as how one imagines. If someone is always on twitter posting pics of himself, then question why he is not on ribat. Especially considering the fact that its impermissible to take electronic devices to front lines.
The only reason a brother can be constantly on twitter, fb, Instagram or other social media platform, is if he’s not on front lines. And there are limited reasons why a person is not constant on front lines. These could be because he is injured, he is working in admin, the police force, the bomb-making department or something of this nature.
Just because someone is in Sham and has a gun, it does not mean they are a Mujaahid. Immaturity makes a person over excited. And being over excited leads to posting pics online with a gun. Any practical benefit of this? I’ll let you ponder over this.
So what questions should you ask a potential spouse before marrying him? To list a few, I would say:
1) What his role is in the State.
2) Why he is not currently on front lines.
3) How long has it been since he has not been on front lines.
4) What’s the longest duration he spent on ribat.
5) How long he has been in Sham.
Such questions can help to filter who is a decent potential. As being a Mujaahid is just one trait of a good Muslim, there are many other traits one needs to look for.
Now a quick rundown of these 5 questions.
Question 1: His role in the state will let you know whether he is a Mujaahid or a helper of the State. No doubt both are good, but the honour of a Mujaahid, someone on front lines shooting the enemy is indeed a more noble role. But due to the simple mindedness of many sisters, they falsely believe that everyone here who is carrying a gun is a Mujaahid. Every “Dawlah brother” has a gun, whether he’s a murabit, police officer, manning checkpoints, doctor, judge, caretaker at the safe-house (Ar. maqar). So don’t be hasty in accepting a proposal because he has a gun.
Question 2 & 3: Why he’s not currently on front lines, and for how long he’s been off will again help you assess his keenness to fight and die fi sabeelillaah. As a few come here and after experiencing the hardship of ribat and war, tend to go for other roles. No amir of a battalion allows his soldiers to go off ribat for long durations of time without a valid excuse, so ask about his reason for not being on front lines. Do not be afraid to ask blunt questions which may put him on the spotlight. Its your right to know, hence why we have these meetings.
Question 4: Knowing the longest duration he’s been on ribat will again, help you assess his eagerness and love for gaining ajar. As ribat life can become very tough at times and is a real test of patience. The usual sketch is either 2 weeks on ribat and 2 days off, or 3 weeks on ribat and 3 days off. However this differs for each battalion (Ar. katibah). His response will give you an indication of whether he loves ribat or sees it as a burden.
However do not be put off by someone who stays on ribat longer thinking he will have no time for you. In fact the shift pattern for married brothers differs from those who are single. So the time you spend with your husband will consequently be the same.
I have seen many brothers who very much dislike the concept of ribat after getting here. The ajar is huge for a reason. Its tough, and a long test of patience. Lack of sleep, the cold nights, the food, hygiene can also be a issue depending on location.
Some brothers join the army which only fights and never does constant ribat. Some brothers join this as they see it as a way to get out of ribat. So if he’s with the army (Ar. Jaysh), ask for his reasons why he chose to join the army. His response will shed light on his character.
Ask what was his most difficult experience in ribat, and what, if anything he dislikes about it. This will shed further light on his love (or otherwise) of ribat.
Question 5. How long he has stayed in Sham is not necessarily a major issue, however most brothers tend to mature out the longer they have been here. A year of being in Sham is a good amount of time for a person to get his experience of Sham and being a Mujaahid. And by now, he’s most likely gone past the stage of self-admiration.
Having said this, there are cases of brothers who have been here less than a year, yet are better in adab and maturity than those who have been here longer. But as a basic principle, jihad makes you more mature and wise in life the longer u stay here.
The longer you stay in jihad, the more fights you attend, the more brothers you know who are now shaheed, all this will make a person more mature and more attached to the hereafter. Seeing your best friend die in hospital, hearing them all go one by one… it touches one’s heart. This makes a person more stronger in life and less attached to worldly comforts. Such brothers tend to not get angry over things which would make others angry, as they know that getting upset over the dunyaa is of no benefit.
Conclusion: I conclude by reiterating what I said above; do not be hasty in choosing a spouse. There are many brothers here in Sham. Do not let your eagerness to marry a Mujaahid make you hasty on the issue.
Do not be afraid to reject a proposal, there are many brothers here in Sham. And some of the most beautiful are those who are always on ribat and completely unknown on social media platforms.
Be deliberate, take your time and do istikhara over the issue.
Furthermore, I do not mean to degrade any brother here in Sham. Allaah knows my intentions and He rewards according to intentions. No doubt doing Hijrah and Jihad are great characteristics in a man. But these two are not the only traits that make a perfect husband.
This article is just to give our sisters a broader scope of understanding and to help them make the right decision when choosing a spouse.
I did not intend to hurt any brothers feelings, if you feel I could add, edit or delete anything from this article, please message me inshaaAllaah.
Abu Sa’eed Al-Britani